


Miss Alabama and the Bartender

by moosh



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Pre-Afghanistan, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 12:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosh/pseuds/moosh
Summary: Tony and Pepper each need to get rid of a one-night stand.





	Miss Alabama and the Bartender

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Marvel Bingo 2019! Filling the "Trapped Together" square.

Pepper woke to the sound of her phone buzzing and a heavy weight on her chest. She slowly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings – she was in her room at Tony’s house. The sun was up, but JARVIS hadn’t done his normal wake-up protocol, meaning that the AI had obviously been through this enough to know what was up.

She sighed and looked down at the arm that was draped across her chest and then over at the man it belonged to. Matt? Mark? Something with an M. He was snoring rather loudly. And drooling. And was probably still naked.

Pepper was definitely still naked. And definitely had to pee. And definitely didn’t want to deal with any of this right now.

She knew exactly what that buzz meant. What that text message said. It was Tony asking her to escort the former Miss Alabama, whom he’d disappeared with last night, off the premises while he hid in the workshop eating breakfast with Dum-E. Which was fine. And usually welcome on mornings where she had to kick her own one-night stand out as quickly as possible after suddenly being called into work. She wasn’t sure how well that was going to work in Tony’s house though.

If she worked quickly, she could probably get Miss Alabama and… _Mike?_ _Mitch?_ out of the house before Tony noticed. Not that she thought Tony would be upset about her sleeping with a bartender from the party in his house. No. Quite the opposite, actually. He would _love_ it, and Pepper was not in the mood for the questions or comments or general ribbing that would come with Tony having that knowledge.

Slowly, Pepper slid out from underneath the bartender and onto the floor next to the bed. When she was confident that he was still asleep, she grabbed her phone and headed to the bathroom to take care of business, put on her bathrobe, and wash the remnants of last night’s makeup off of her face. She also finally looked at the text from Tony.

“peppermint patty! did you sleep here? saw your shoes. miss alabama is a bit clingy i think. told her i had to go to tasmania in the am and snuck away. help me out? i owe you whatever you want.😊😊”

Pepper rolled her eyes and replied with a simple “On it.” text. Then she texted Jarvis, asking for an ETA on the laundry, not wanting to risk talking to the AI even if he did have a whisper-mode. Finally, she texted Happy, telling him the laundry would be done in 20 minutes, so be out front in 30.

Confident that all of the proper wheels were in motion, she pulled her hair up into a messy bun and headed to her closet to get dressed, opting for yoga pants, an oversized hoodie, and flip-flops because it was _Sunday_ goddamnit. Mercifully she was able to slip past her snoring friend unnoticed and down to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

She had a bit of a headache forming as a result of one too many vodka martinis and hoped she could get a cup of coffee or three into her before dealing with Miss Alabama and the bartender.

“Mornin’.” Tony said cheerfully behind her, causing her to jump a little as she turned to him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Tasmania?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at him as he walked out of the pantry.

“Needed some Lucky Charms first.” He answered, his arms overflowing with a box of the aforementioned cereal, a carton of milk and a bowl. “Can you stick a spoon in my mouth? Hands are a bit full.”

Pepper smiled and shook her head as she turned to grab a spoon. This is the Tony she wished that people could see sometimes. No glitz, no glamour. Just Tony. Heading down to the basement to watch cartoons with his first born, Dum-E, while wearing Star Wars pajama pants, a Rolling Stones t-shirt, a zebra-print silk robe, and red slippers.

“Anything you want me to tell Miss Alabama?” She asked, turning back to him.

“She has a _name_ Pepper, geez. Yes, tell Jeanette that I had a great time and I’ll call her next time I’m in Mobile.”

Pepper was about to ask if he’d ever even _been_ to Mobile when she was interrupted by a booming voice coming from the living room.

“Pepper?” The bartender called out, sounding like he was rapidly approaching the kitchen.

“Oh shit.” She said as she grabbed Tony and pulled him back into pantry and shut the door.

“Whoa whoa who the hell is that?” Tony asked, confused, still clutching his breakfast fixings.

“Shut up, he’ll hear you.” She said, shushing him.

“Why are we in the pantry?” He whispered back.

“Tony, shut up.”

“Am I being robbed?”

“No, stop talking, please.”

Tony stepped to the door and peered out at the mystery man through the small gap. “Holy shit, is that the bartender from last night?

“Yes.” Pepper replied, tersely.

“Nice pull, Potts!” He turned and held up his hand to her, and Pepper gave him a very unenthusiastic high-five. “Why are we in here though?”

“Because…I don’t want to talk to him. You of all people should understand that.” She sighed, dropping her head. She really didn’t do this all the time. One-night stands. But she certainly didn’t have time to date and sometimes she just wanted to have some good, old-fashioned, no-strings-attached sex.

The party last night had been kind of last minute, which wasn’t unusual. Tony would sometimes just get bored or frustrated with a project and decide to throw a party. She hadn’t intended to stay all night but being there was better than being home alone. And as the party started to die down she’d struck up a rather flirty conversation with… _Martin?_   Eventually they were the only ones left and she was horny and he was pretty and she figured _what the hell?_ She really hadn’t put much thought into the fact that she’d have to get him out of Tony’s house in the morning.

“Yeah, but now he’s out there and we’re in here.” Tony pointed out.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious. I’m working on a plan.” Pepper lied. She was just hoping he’d get bored and leave. Then, as if on cue, Miss Alabama entered the picture.

“Tony?” Jeanette called out as she entered the kitchen. “Tony, _pumpkin_ , where are you? Oh! You’re not Tony. Who are _you?_ ”

Tony was now shaking with silent laughter, and Pepper smacked him lightly on the shoulder as their guests got acquainted.

“ _Pumpkin?_ That’s disgusting. God, this is the worst day of my life.” Pepper whispered, pinching the brim of her nose.

“No this is great.” Tony replied still laughing. He took a seat on the floor of the pantry, resigning himself to the fact that they were going to be in here for a while.

Pepper joined him on the floor as well once she heard them start chatting in the kitchen. She couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but it seemed like they were also just helping themselves to breakfast. The fridge had opened and closed a few times and the smell of coffee was starting to fill the air.

“Well I’m glad they’re making themselves at home.” Tony observed. “Let’s just go out there and tell them we were doing our bi-monthly pantry inventory and that it’s time for them to leave.”

“No. No way. We are not coming out until they are gone. Especially not _together_. Can’t you like…tell Jarvis to set off a fire alarm?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m still working on fully integrating him into the house and the kitchen pantry wasn’t exactly a priority. I’d have to yell pretty loud for him to hear from here and I think that would defeat the purpose.”

Pepper sighed, kicking herself for jumping to hide in the pantry in the first place. She should’ve just been an adult, said hi to the guy, and pointed him towards the door. But no. Now she was stuck in here. And the absolute last thing she needed was for a couple of strangers to see her and Tony roll out of a dark closet together in their pajamas. “They have to leave eventually.”

“Yeah. Sure. I’m just glad we’ve got ample supplies in here, though the lack of water might start to become a problem. Though the most important part of any survival situation is establishing the bathroom corner and I vote for the one by you, since this is your fault.” Tony teased. He took a handful of cereal from the box and shoved it into his mouth, swallowing it down with a gulp of milk straight from the carton. Pepper smiled at him as he offered her the milk and cereal, which she took and followed suit. This was ridiculous, but it certainly wasn’t the weirdest breakfast they’d ever shared.

They sat in silence for a bit, handing the milk and cereal back and forth, listening to their guests. Eventually though, Pepper noticed that their chatter had died down quite a bit. Tony was preoccupied with the ‘Spot the Difference’ game on the back of the cereal box, but Pepper could tell that something was up. She leaned forward to see if she could hear any better, and after a moment she was able to hear the very distinct sounds of two people making out. “Oh my god.”

“What?”

“I – I think they’re kissing.”

“What?” Tony whispered loudly, spring forward to try to get a look at them through the gap in the door. Pepper started rubbing her temples, trying to get ahead of the rapidly forming headache.

“They’re doing way more than _kissing_ , Potts.” He snickered, noticing that Jeanette was sitting up on the counter with her legs wrapped firmly the bartender’s waist. “We might need to wipe down the breakfast bar after they leave.”

“Oh my god, I’m burning that counter. You’re getting a new one.”

“Oh please, it’s not like I haven’t used it for this very purpose before.”

“We’re definitely burning it.” Pepper said dryly, shaking her head. She couldn’t quite believe this was happening.

“Guess we don’t have to worry about them being upset by our rejection.” Tony said, his shoulders shaking again with laughter. “I shouldn’t have told her I was going to Tasmania. They’re probably going to move in.”

 _“Ohh Max! Oh my God yes!”_  Jeanette suddenly moaned out, startling both of them.

“Man, she wasn’t that loud last night.”

“Well _Max_ knows what he’s doing.” Pepper teased, relieved to finally know his name. At least she was right that it started with an M.

Tony huffed, pretending to be hurt by her words. Pepper just rolled her eyes and laughed, trying to find some humor in the situation. If nothing else, this would make a great chapter in her memoir. She also truly appreciated Tony just kind of rolling with the ridiculousness. He could’ve protested when she dragged him into the pantry. Or made fun of her when he found out why. Or been mad at her for getting them into this situation. But he was none of those things. He was just along for the ride and letting Pepper take the lead on the situation. She was embarrassed for sure, but Tony’s demeanor was making her feel better. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal. It was just something stupid they could laugh about later.

They settled back down, each taking another handful of cereal hoping that their guests would finish up and leave soon. Pepper was glad that they were sitting side by side again. This way they weren’t making eye contact while listening to slightly over the top sex noises and the sound of bodies being slammed into various surfaces on the other side of the door. Despite what was happening out there, Tony and Pepper remained relatively calm. Until the crash. The very loud crash. The distinct sound of the mug tree on the counter next to the coffee maker crashing down onto the floor. And with that, Tony was up and out of the pantry like a shot, this whole charade be damned.

At the very top of the mug tree was a bright orange-red vintage Fiestaware mug. It had belonged to Maria Stark and Tony was _very_ attached to it. Her stomach dropped listening to the crash, knowing how upset Tony would be if the mug was damaged. Pepper had only ever touched it once when she first started, and he’d quickly taken it from her and told her to never touch it again. She’d been confused, but let it go, just chalking it up to another one of his eccentricities. She eventually got the full story out of Rhodey and never touched it again, though she still always smiled a bit when she saw him use it.

“All right. Hi. Good morning. You! Pants up. You! Pants _on._ I think it’s time for everyone to leave.” She heard Tony say while she slowly got to her feet and stepped out into the kitchen. There was debris all over the floor and Max and Jeanette were quickly pulling their clothes back on.

“Tony – I – I thought you were in Tasmania?” Jeanette asked while fussing with what appeared to be Tony’s shirt.

“Yeah, I misspoke. I meant I was going to the pantry.” Tony said a bit frantically while looking through the pile of destroyed mugs.

“I - I’m _so_ sorry pumpkin, I thought you were gone.”

“Nope. It’s fine though. I’m glad you’ve both found each other. But if you could continue this little rendezvous somewhere other than in my kitchen, that would be great.” Tony sighed as he laid eyes on the mug, sitting on the counter perfectly safe, steam rising from the hot liquid inside of it. Pepper could see the tension leave his shoulders immediately, and she smiled finally turning her attention to Max, who looked like a lost puppy. And a lot younger than she remembered.

“I uh – I guess I should go.” Max said awkwardly.

“Yeah.”

“Call me sometime? You have my number?”

“Yeah, sure.” Pepper replied quietly, both of them knowing full well that it was never going to happen. Still though, it seemed like the most socially acceptable way to end things.

“All right, time to go.” Tony said, taking the initiative to usher them both out of the kitchen and to the front door.

Pepper picked up the mug and dumped its’ contents down the drain, and she was finishing rinsing it out when Tony came back.

“Well, they’re gone. I can’t be sure that they’re not currently fucking in the back of your boy’s sweet catering van, but at least they’re not on here anymore.”

“Did Jeanette get her clothes?”

“Yeah U was waiting by the door with them. All good.”

Pepper chuckled, turning to him. “Thanks for taking care of that. I’m sorry about the mugs.” She said, handing him the still perfectly intact red one.

Tony cradled it in his hands for a moment, with a little smile on his face. “Not a problem. Sooo, Max, huh?” He teased, looking back up at her and setting the mug down. “You gonna call him? He’s cute. A little younger than I would’ve thought you’d be into, but hey if you’re looking to be someone’s sugar mama I’m sure he’d be into that.”

Pepper laughed and rolled her eyes. “I’m not interested in being anyone’s _sugar mama_ , thank you very much. And no, _Pumpkin_ , I’m not going to call him. What about Jeanette? Any sparks there? Or are you just trying to collect all 50 states?”

Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at her, almost like a light bulb went off. “You know, Potts, I wasn’t. But that’s a great idea. I’ve certainly got the West Coast and the Plains States covered, and now a portion of the South.”

“Well, you are more than on your way. I believe in you.” She said, shaking her head. “I’ll go get a broom.”

“Nah, leave it. I’ll make one of the bots clean it up. You still hungry?” He asked before heading back to the pantry to retrieve all of his breakfast supplies. “The milk’s a bit too warm now for my liking, but I’ve got a whole gallon of chocolate, which goes great with Lucky Charms. And the Jetsons are about to come on TV, which is Dum-E’s favorite. I think he has a crush on the maid. Wanna hang out? Swap stories about other one-night stands?”

Pepper thought about just going home for a moment, but it had already been a pretty strange morning, so why not? “Yeah sure. If you’re lucky I’ll tell you about the time I hooked up with one of the jousters from _Excalibur_ in Vegas.”

“What? Grab a spoon and a bowl, Potts. I need details!” He beamed. Pepper smiled and did just that while Tony swapped out the milk. “A _jouster?_ How many bad jokes did he make about his lance? Was his horse there? You didn’t do it in the stables, did you? Did he take his helmet off?”

Pepper laughed again as she followed him towards the basement. This certainly wasn’t how she envisioned her morning going, but it was definitely something she could get used to.


End file.
